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REASONS I AM STRESSED OUT
1) I'm moving! My roommate decided our latest rent increase was a bridge too far, and I cannot afford this place on my own, and I am going to try living on my own.
1a) I haven't moved in EIGHT YEARS. I found this apartment when I moved to Boston in 2011 and have never moved. This makes me a mythical creature on par with the phoenix or the Loch Ness Monster.
1b) I haven't ever moved as an independent adult before? Previous moves were in and out of dorms or grad housing and then from my parents' house to this apartment. I HAVE TO HIRE MOVERS. I have to pack eight years' worth of crap and separate all the shared stuff from my roommate and probably buy new stuff? What if I buy the wrong stuff!
1c) I don't have a new apartment yet and apartment hunting is the worst, particularly in Boston where our market is wildly overpriced and absurdly competitive, and most leases turn over September 1st so everybody else is reaching DEFCON 5 levels of panic right now. (I do not have to move on the 1st, but it's making the search harder.) Most of the realtors are shady, most of the landlords are slumlords, I can't afford to live in my neighborhood anymore but I don't want to be stuck in one that's totally unwalkable, I don't want to spend half my salary on a shoebox, it's all designed to make me grind my teeth into dust.
2) Work!
2a) I'm in charge of our website redesign and I have to pick the firm we're using! I don't like making choices that involve huge amounts of money!
2b) New student orientation starts on the 19th! I do not feel ready! I am deeply concerned that our new logistics person is not actually ready either! Usually one of our alums leads the orientation challenges but she's decided she no longer wants to and I feel like 80% of the work she does has not been picked up, but it's also not MY job to take care of it, so I'm just full of free-floating anxiety about it.
2c) Nobody has been answering my goddamned emails! I'm trying to get stuff ready for the fall and I can't get answers from anybody! We have a conference coming up in October and I don't have a brochure or any of our shit ready!
2d) An extremely long saga of trying to hire new staff and make a long-term temp permanent that is not my responsibility but will make everyone's life easier when it's over.... that is not over yet.
3) I'm turning 35 this month!
3a) That seems so old! I'm not a "young adult" anymore! (And not by YA standards, by demographic rankings!) Am I middle-aged now?
3b) I don't have any of my shit together! I'm not terribly successful at this dating thing! I'm about to live alone for the first time in my life! I don't feel like a grownup!
3c) Is there anything more banal and excruciating than a single white woman wracked with existential dread over turning 35! PROBABLY NOT! I'm mad at myself for being this predictable!
4) Interpersonal drama that does not need to be spilled onto the internet but is making me angsty anyway!
5) I haven't been to the beach ONCE all summer! What a waste!
6) The State Of The World At Large: politics, children being ripped from their parents, mass shootings, climate apocalpyse, etc. etc. etc.
7) probably more things I forgot about!!!!!
I know things are going to work out okay. I have savings and support, I'm not being evicted in the next three days, work is going to be fine, I'm generally excited to keep having birthdays instead of the alternatives, I'm getting a new tattoo this fall, I get to fly down to Florida and hang out with KL around the conference, I just found out my sister is visiting Boston this fall. It's gonna be okay. But my brain just will not shut up and I'm so used to dealing with depression spirals that the anxiety spirals are just different enough to trip me up. I DON'T LIKE IT.
1) I'm moving! My roommate decided our latest rent increase was a bridge too far, and I cannot afford this place on my own, and I am going to try living on my own.
1a) I haven't moved in EIGHT YEARS. I found this apartment when I moved to Boston in 2011 and have never moved. This makes me a mythical creature on par with the phoenix or the Loch Ness Monster.
1b) I haven't ever moved as an independent adult before? Previous moves were in and out of dorms or grad housing and then from my parents' house to this apartment. I HAVE TO HIRE MOVERS. I have to pack eight years' worth of crap and separate all the shared stuff from my roommate and probably buy new stuff? What if I buy the wrong stuff!
1c) I don't have a new apartment yet and apartment hunting is the worst, particularly in Boston where our market is wildly overpriced and absurdly competitive, and most leases turn over September 1st so everybody else is reaching DEFCON 5 levels of panic right now. (I do not have to move on the 1st, but it's making the search harder.) Most of the realtors are shady, most of the landlords are slumlords, I can't afford to live in my neighborhood anymore but I don't want to be stuck in one that's totally unwalkable, I don't want to spend half my salary on a shoebox, it's all designed to make me grind my teeth into dust.
2) Work!
2a) I'm in charge of our website redesign and I have to pick the firm we're using! I don't like making choices that involve huge amounts of money!
2b) New student orientation starts on the 19th! I do not feel ready! I am deeply concerned that our new logistics person is not actually ready either! Usually one of our alums leads the orientation challenges but she's decided she no longer wants to and I feel like 80% of the work she does has not been picked up, but it's also not MY job to take care of it, so I'm just full of free-floating anxiety about it.
2c) Nobody has been answering my goddamned emails! I'm trying to get stuff ready for the fall and I can't get answers from anybody! We have a conference coming up in October and I don't have a brochure or any of our shit ready!
2d) An extremely long saga of trying to hire new staff and make a long-term temp permanent that is not my responsibility but will make everyone's life easier when it's over.... that is not over yet.
3) I'm turning 35 this month!
3a) That seems so old! I'm not a "young adult" anymore! (And not by YA standards, by demographic rankings!) Am I middle-aged now?
3b) I don't have any of my shit together! I'm not terribly successful at this dating thing! I'm about to live alone for the first time in my life! I don't feel like a grownup!
3c) Is there anything more banal and excruciating than a single white woman wracked with existential dread over turning 35! PROBABLY NOT! I'm mad at myself for being this predictable!
4) Interpersonal drama that does not need to be spilled onto the internet but is making me angsty anyway!
5) I haven't been to the beach ONCE all summer! What a waste!
6) The State Of The World At Large: politics, children being ripped from their parents, mass shootings, climate apocalpyse, etc. etc. etc.
7) probably more things I forgot about!!!!!
I know things are going to work out okay. I have savings and support, I'm not being evicted in the next three days, work is going to be fine, I'm generally excited to keep having birthdays instead of the alternatives, I'm getting a new tattoo this fall, I get to fly down to Florida and hang out with KL around the conference, I just found out my sister is visiting Boston this fall. It's gonna be okay. But my brain just will not shut up and I'm so used to dealing with depression spirals that the anxiety spirals are just different enough to trip me up. I DON'T LIKE IT.
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And we should! Let me know what your schedule looks like before school kicks off?